Point Zero Pozitive

Of course you know your number line containing integers. This is the centerpiece of my apologetics today. 

Of course there's no Point Zero Positive. Zero is without a sign. But when you have learned to view your life as a number line that divides your timeline in this world into before you were diagnosed and after you were diagnosed, you would understand what this Point Zero Positive is. This is that exact time you were told that you are HIV positive.

For me, I was but 25 then. Very young, still learning my way around life but managing to be independent. I had a work in a good company and always tried my best to be the professional that was expected of me. I had my future plans which included studying abroad and probably working there for some time before settling down back in Philippines.

Rainy season has been the usual rainy season with the usual typhoons and floods around the metro. Dengue infections were rising that time. And it was an unfortunate time for a colleague of mine to get infected. Since my workmates platelet continued to drop, it was imperative that a blood be transfused into her body. It was at this point that I volunteered to donate blood, worried about my workmate's condition above anything else.

As blood was being drawn from my veins, we were even kidding at that time about STIs and they were teasing me about it. And I was just laughing it off, thinking I'm quite confident I didn't  harbor the HIV or any STIs. I had been having sex only with just my partner and some few encounters after our breakup. After donating blood, I went home feeling good about myself for helping out someone by donating blood. But the day after, my life changed forever.

I arrived late at work and the first thing that I saw on my table was a message to call the hospital. Immediately, I felt nervous about the whole thing. I had a feeling it was bad news. I didn't go right away. I had to steel my nerves first by shelving it off and working on some paper works on my table. After an hour, I couldn't ignore it any longer as my thoughts keep coming back to the question: What if I am HIV+?

Of course, the only way to end all the paranoia was to go to the hospital and check with the pathologist what the ruckus was all about. 

Point Zero Positive.

After being seated down, I was informed that my blood tested (+) withe ELISA for HIV. I had to give a new set of blood sample for the confirmatory test, the Western Immunoblot. At that time, my mind was reeling from shock. But I wasn't showing it. I was trying to remember who I had sex with and how I was to tell them they had to get themselves tested as well. I was also trying to tell myself everything's gonna be alright. But I know it will be difficult starting from hereon.

Just like that my life became a number line with a negative integer line and a positive integer line. I never thought one day, I'd be looking at number lines that way and realize that that is how my life is.

If you are wondering whether I cried, I didn't. And that was really something weird because I have known myself to be a crybaby. But then and again, maybe I have changed in that instant. I knew I had to be strong for myself foremost and for the people I love.

It would take another month before the confirmatory result arrived. I wasn't surprised that I was indeed HIV+. I know how laboratory tests work and this was no mystery. The mystery that was baffling me at that time was the future. It scared the wits out of me.

But here we are, four years after, I am still alive. Things are different, but I feel like the future's not for the virus to take hold of. It is for me to claim. That's why I have decided, I am going to do whatever it takes to keep the integer line going.